What is it?

The #Dare2Share Challenge is a double dog dare for you!

A series of videos created for you as a challenge. Each video will give you a main topic that teaches other people about who you are and what you do in a FUN and relatable way.

I will teach you what to include in your own video and help eliminate the video “creator block” we all hit.

You can record these just for yourself to get in some speaking practice OR share them with your audience so that they can get to know you on a REAL & RAW level!

Who is it for?

This is for you if:

√ You shy away from videos & don’t know what the heck to say or how to say it

√ You want people to develop the “KNOW-LIKE-TRUST” factor with you so that your business or relationships improve

√ You want to raise your own level of self-awareness while helping other people get to know you (ehemm…brand awareness)

√ You like to work on yourself & help teach others at the same time

How does it work?

√ We will post a video challenge for you with a step-by-step walkthrough on creating your own engaging video

√ We will provide you with a theme or challenge that you respond to based on your own experience

√ We will also give you a printable PDF to fill out your own answers to get really clearly clear before you record

√ You grab your iPhone, put it on a tripod (or lean it against a coffee cup), press record, and do it to it!

√ SHARE IT with your audience on your desired social platform & TAG me, comment with your link in each challenge thread so the community can celebrate you, and use hashtag #Dare2Share so we can all show you some love.

√ Keep doing the challenges & watch the relationship with yourself and others get better

Why did I create it?

The truth is I want to help you guys work on your own dreams and goals and help other people get to know how freaking amazing you are. I want to get your wheels turning & I want to help you learn to express yourself via video. This is NOT a high-level video production scenario.  This is just you and a camera, sharing with the world who you are. We aren’t fancy pants here, just real people answering real questions in a raw way that people can relate to.

“About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all.”
Rita Mae Brown

Most of us are familiar with the term Emotional Intelligence or EQ, but the truth is that being familiar with a category of personal or professional development and understanding it enough to implement it into our lives isn’t always the same.

“Common sense is not always common practice” is how the phrase goes, and my take is, damn, I want to act rationally and implement all these great ideas into my life, but I easily get off-kilter, especially when my emotions get involved!

If you feel you have a firm grasp on your emotions and you never let them get the best of you, you are my hero & maybe this specific edition of Unraveled isn’t your cup of tea. It’s all good. But if you are anything like me and your emotions can feel like a swarm of bees has taken residence in your brain, then read on. I have been working on being more emotionally stable, I’d like emotions to be more like a 0-1.9 on the Richter scale instead of a near and total destruction 9 and over zone. Are you with me? Let’s talk about it together. In this write-up, we cover three areas: how to express yourself but use restraint, how you feel versus how you behave, and an outline called The Process Model of emotional regulation so you can best understand how your emotions loop.

Express Yourself, But Wrangle It!

You all know me by now, and if you don’t, you should know that I am all for 1000% expressing yourself and learning the unique art form of doing so in a way that feels good to you, but sometimes (especially when it comes to emotions) you’ve got to reign it in baby! I remember one time in a sales training a manager looked at me and said, “Becca, you’re doing great, but you need to work on your face. Your face is the problem because it tells all!” I was stunned and a little offended, being the rookie that I was, but he wasn’t wrong. My face does tell an entire story even when I’m not using words, and emotions are no different. When you have all the feels (rational or not), they can come across in your face and in your actions. The very first step is being hyper-aware that what you are feeling is just a feeling, not an end all be all, or terminal prognosis. It’s happening now, you feel it, you’ve acknowledged it, and it’s okay to have those emotions, but it’s not okay to let it bleed into your work or family and sabotage a whole day.

Feeling It Versus Acting on It

It’s one thing to feel an emotion and something totally separate to act on the emotions. So why can it be so difficult to understand why sometimes our emotions are fierce and other times pretty minor, and we can sidestep them?

“Emotions arise in the limbic system, the non-verbal, more primitive brain centers we share with other animals, not from the neocortex, the seat of rational thought. The neocortex “notices” and is affected by activity in the limbic system. This is why we can’t always immediately name or identify an emotion when we feel it, and why strong feelings can temporarily flood or short-circuit rational thought.” 1

So maybe we can’t name the emotion or even understand why we feel it so strongly, but I know one thing to be true. Our actions have real consequences for ourselves and others. They can get us fired, arrested (no, I haven’t been arrested yet), or even divorced. They can hurt our loved ones and coworkers. This is why it matters so much to differentiate behavior from internal feelings and emotional states.

Okay, now we understand we have to keep our emotions contained and that sometimes we have to learn not to act on all the emotions we feel (we have to learn to stifle them). Let’s dive into a framework that can help us out.

Because when our emotional Richter scale is teetering toward the “Danger Zone” (yes, I’m singing Highway To The Danger Zone in my head right now), we have to tame the beast.

The Process Model

The process model of emotional regulation, developed by James Gross, is a deduction of how we process our feelings at any given time. It is the sequence in which our emotions are triggered and then responded to. It goes like this: situation → attention → appraisal → response.

Situation

This is the situation that triggers the emotional response. For example: someone said something critical or mean. This comment would then initiate the emotional response (hurt, shame, embarrassment, anger, sadness, etc.)

Attention

Your attention is then drawn to the emotional situation. Example: a friend crossing their arms as they say something critical of you. This seems like a physical display of their anger. Within the situation, your attention will be drawn to what feels like further evidence of your emotional response.

Appraisal

This is the process we go through when speculating or assigning unspoken meanings & fears to the situation. Take the above example. If a friend says something critical of you, loudly with their arms crossed, instinctively, your mind may jump to “they don’t want to be friends with me anymore” or “they hate me.”

Response

Once all three of the above happen, that’s typically when we respond. Our emotions may take over, and we might lash out or cry or avoid the situation to not have to deal with the negative emotions.

Because an emotional response can cause changes to a situation which involves a feedback loop from response to situation, this feedback loop suggests that the emotion generation process can occur recursively, is ongoing, and is dynamic. The process model contends that each of these four points in the emotion generation process can be subjected to regulation. From this conceptualization, the process model posits five different families of emotion regulation that correspond to the regulation of a particular point in the emotion generation process. They occur in the following order:

1. Situation selection: Choose situations that could happen to you and map out how you would like to respond if and when they happen

2. Situation modification: efforts taken to modify the emotional impact of the situation (this can be breathing techniques, a hard pause, meditation, etc.)

3. Attentional deployment: shift where you’re focusing your attention to different aspects of the situation

4. Cognitive change: reappraising a scenario ( thinking about an event in a different way) to change its emotional impact

5. Response modulation: this can be referred to as response suppression after the emotion has taken place, you have a choice in how you will respond to the emotion to modify your responses.

This image gives you an example in a relationship and paints a good picture for us to understand the framework. The big picture is that our emotions can be modified when we pay attention to them, dive a bit deeper into why we feel them and respond to them accordingly, and that feeds back into the outcome of HOW it all plays out. If our response is not to modify the emotion for a winning outcome, we will keep looping back and replaying the negative again and again.

Phew, exhale. That felt like a lot and was super scientific, but sometimes we need to step back and take a more practical look at the feedback loops and why our brains try to repeat something and spiral us out of control.

It’s within our control to modify the process and interrupt it, so to speak.

I hope that this edition of Unraveled gives you some tools that can help you the next time your emotions start buzzing and taking up residence in your mind. Let’s learn to express ourselves and stifle those expressions when we KNOW that those feelings aren’t going to serve anyone!

I’ll leave you with this amazing Jocko Willink video that talks about controlling our emotions better than I can!

Resources:

1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sacramento-street-psychiatry/201605/choose-your-actions-not-your-feelings#:~:text=Actions%20are%20different.,e.g.%2C%20crying%20when%20feeling%20sad.
2. https://eymtherapy.com/blog/understanding-the-emotional-regulation-process-model/

From the outside, maybe your life looks pretty perfect to other people. But I think many of us sit down in the quiet once that chaos calms and the busyness slows and find ourselves asking deeper questions like “Am I really fulfilled in the work I am doing?” or “Is what I’m doing enough?” and we desire more or better for ourselves & the good we are doing in this world.

Our impact can start to feel small in our own eyes, or our jobs can start to feel “less than enough,” and that can spiral into all kinds of what in the actual f@$% am I doing thoughts.

So let’s calm down and get rooted together in this edition of Unraveled, where we talk about feeling worthy of all the goodness and success in the world, and I mean really frigging feel it.

Learning to feel worthy is no easy feat. On the surface, it can feel self-absorbed or maybe like, who am I to deserve great success (whatever your definition is)? Wanting great things for yourself, your family, and your career is not a bad thing. But to ask for more and better from the company you work for, for your business, or in your relationships starts with you, my friend.

Are you stealing your own thunder?

Have you ever had an incredible opportunity present itself, and you slam the door in its face or procrastinate in every way fathomable just to avoid responding? You have no idea why you are huddled up in the closet with a walkie-talkie, acting as if this is a hostage situation, and your assailant is in the other room making threats, when in reality, the front door is wide open and no negotiations need to happen at all except for the one with yourself to get up and walk past the imaginary monster in your living room waving a gun. Yes, this is a dramatic picture I painted, but hello! We all do crap like this and self-sabotage our potential.

“When great things show up on our doorstep – relationships, jobs, or even hard-earned successes – we can block these things from growing to their full potential if we secretly feel unworthy.”  

The Roadblocks

The things that get in the way can range from your own inner critic, imposter syndrome, limiting beliefs, or old thinking and upbringing. Each of these roadblocks alone could be its own entire write-up if I’m being honest.

What I want you to do is pick one of these areas or identify which area holds you back the most. For me personally, it’s a combination of my inner “Mean Girl” voice, imposter syndrome to a certain extent, and being raised very conservatively. You see, I was raised by parents whose own parents lived through the Great Depression. Mom and Dad were of the get a good, safe job, benefits, and a 401k and work until you retire and accept what you have (good or bad). I was raised to be humble and graciously accept what has been given to me, put my head down, and work. Working hard started with a paper route at seven years old, you want it, you will work for it. I can say I’m so blessed to have this work ethic engrained in me, but it also closed off my brain to the idea of being an entrepreneur or taking risks easily.

Maybe your inner voice says things like “I am not___________enough.” Pretty enough, smart enough, wealthy enough, etc.

 I’ve provided some resources below that can help you if you want to take a deeper dive on Imposter Syndrome, Knowing Yourself Better, & How to Stop Feeling Unworthy if you want to dive deeper into the areas that are holding you back.

How to Feel Worthy of Your Success

Feeling worthy starts with first acknowledging all that you are feeling. Identifying this problem of unworthiness is not the same thing as giving in to it. In fact, doing so eliminates its power!

It’s time to start replacing some of those inner negative thoughts & comparisons with “I AM” statements.

One last action you can take is to be genuinely proud of who you are, what you can do, and where you have already improved. It's massively important to remind yourself of the things that make you talented, strong, compassionate, and more.

My friends, there are so many things that could be said on this topic, but I don’t want to get too deep and lose you, what I do want for you is to get your wheels turning when it comes to how you feel when you sit in the quiet, how you respond to new opportunities, and the dialogue you are using to yourself and start to tap into how worthy you truly feel. Because you can appear confident as all get out, and you can truly love yourself and still struggle with feeling worthy of success, whatever roadblock is in the way.

We will close with this lovely quote:

I hope beautiful things happen to you, and when they do, I hope you can believe that you are worthy of every single one of them.

F.E. Marie

Resources:

Imposter Syndrome

https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2015/11/03/dont-feel-worthy-of-your-success-you-may-have-impostor-syndrome/?sh=58bbc454230f

 Know Yourself Better

“Gaining a deeper understanding of ourselves helps us to be responsible — or response-able — meaning we can respond to life, rather than react." Joey Hulin

https://psychcentral.com/health/ways-to-get-to-know-yourself-better

How to Stop Feeling Unworthy and Skyrocket to Success

https://www.inc.com/peter-economy/dont-block-your-blessings-how-to-stop-feeling-unworthy-skyrocket-to-success.html

10 Steps to Stop Feeling Undeserving of Good Things

https://aimlief.com/stop-feeling-undeserving/

Never stop trying to learn & grow.

Because not many things are certain in this life, aside from the fact that uncertainties are inevitable.

So it’s our own choice…

Embrace openness and curiosity and fricken go for “it” whatever your “it” may be.

Or remain the same.

If uncertainty follows you often and you find yourself closing to door to perfectly awesome opportunities take a look back at our newsletter from June, titled Doorways.

Be so blessed!

Imagine stepping into your own shoes (for me, the actual shoes are Chucks, warm worn leather, and Nikes, depending on the day) and feeling true ease and peace with the person you are today and the person you are still becoming. This person is comfortable at work & at home, not the feeling that you have to “snap into character” at a moment's notice to feel acceptable to humanity and this world.

You are simply you. In boldness or in hushed tones. In a business suit or oversized sweats. Just that feeling of being complete. That is the ideal, isn’t it?

And identifying your own forms of comfort and ease starts with self-expression and being unabashedly yourself, regardless of what that looks like. In this edition of Unraveled, we will walk through different forms of self-expression, the importance of aligning with your values & beliefs versus what you deliver to the world, and practical considerations on how to express yourself. By the end, we will share some TED Talks that inspired this write-up and dive deeper if you want to dork out like I did.

Shapes & Sizes

The word expression means a “pressing out” or the ability to convey thoughts, feelings, and identity through communication. In researching the topic, I had no idea how critical expressing yourself really is to both your mental health and overall well-being. Our sense of belonging stems all the way back to our natural inclination to enter survival mode and protect ourselves, which is why sometimes we revert to doing the thing that makes us fit the mold and feel validation (especially at work).

Some forms of self-expression are:

· Physical (using your body)

· Intellectual (expressing thoughts & ideas)

· Creative (art, music, poetry, writing, etc.)

· Emotional (authentic expressions of emotion/vulnerability)

· Relational (showing who we are in relationships)

What self-expression is NOT:

· Mimicking others and following their lead

· Driven by external factors or the desire to persuade- instead, it’s a genuine expression of inner self

· Manipulative, controlling, or a popularity bid

I spell out what it is and is not because I know one thing for certain. At some point in each of our lives, whether it was middle school and high school, a first job in a new field, or climbing a corporate ladder, we feel the need to “fit the mold in order to see success.”

It’s natural to do it, and it takes some serious boldness/security to feel comfortable enough to express ourselves. Starting to do so starts with doing some deep personal work and identifying what it is we actually stand for, and then taking that and aligning it to the position we find ourselves in, then sticking to our guns.

Tune in & Align

Have you ever heard the phrase, “If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything?” It is absolutely true. This then begs the bigger question. What are your own personal values & what do you stand for?  Everyone’s list of values is different, depending on their current life circumstances, goals, background, passions, and so on. However, there are a few common values that people across the globe prioritize. Some examples are kindness, honesty, loyalty, responsibility, and courage. Maybe it’s time to drill down on what values & beliefs you identify with. The real catch is that you’ll need to revisit them. Especially if you’ve experienced major life changes (marriage, divorce, the birth of a child, death of a loved one) or your goals have shifted. Not identifying and aligning with your core beliefs would be like never updating your phone's operating system, and continuing to utilize the iOS (Apple’s Operating System) from 2020. Changes have happened in your life & career, and with that comes the need to revisit your own iOS.

Getting really clear on what you stand for and where you’re headed (or want to go) will help give you the clarity you need to give a big ole exhale and step into yourself more. It’s pretty damn hard to express yourself when your daily actions feel unaligned and completely disjointed.

Megaphone & Execute

Blasting out forms of self-expression can feel really foreign, especially at first. I know for me personally, one way I express myself is through tattoos. I’ve wanted to have sleeves for years but never felt it was quite appropriate in corporate medical sales, or maybe I would be judged or looked at differently. I even felt the need when I first started using LinkedIn 7 years ago to either show up in scrubs (an automatic credibility boost) or a business suit.

Today you’ll find me in a snapback in the trunk of my car or dropping F-bombs in my newsletters because, guess what? That’s the real me, people. I love to dress up and respect others by showing I care enough to do so (time and place for everything), but the reality is that most of the time, I’m behind my computer creating media, collaborating with my graphic designer, and on ZOOM calls between school pick up and drop. That’s my reality, so I stopped trying to curate a look for other’s hypothetical approval perfectly & started imperfectly putting media out with a genuine take-it-or-leave-it mentality.

Expressing your truest self gives others permission to do the same.

Now, without further ado, as promised, I will share a few TED Talks with you that served me. In this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ati3O3-iZls, Sarah Hernholm has some incredible items in her toolbox that can serve you:

1. Get quiet & build boundaries

2. Their story isn’t yours (start building ownership & authorship of your own story)

3. Lighten Up

4. It’s a choice to close your heart, or keep it open

5. Express don’t impress

 The other incredible TED Talk that hit home for me was with actor Ethan Hawk called “Give yourself permission to be creative” https://www.ted.com/talks/ethan_hawke_give_yourself_permission_to_be_creative?language=en where he examines how courageous expression promotes healing and connection with one another.

 Warning: The side effects of being yourself may result in new-found optimism, a sense of liberation and freedom, and magnetism of others to you that you didn’t even know was possible.

My hope and prayer for you as you continue to unravel is that you have a moment of introspection and understand that the world is an incredibly unreliable critic. Only you are responsible for your own happiness. May you be blessed with the confidence to be yourself, express yourself, and share your gift with this world.

Losing my parents 26 days apart? Well, if that's not a cruel twist of fate, I don't know what is. It's like the universe decided to challenge my vocabulary just when I needed it most. But let's be real, when life serves up a double scoop of grief, words take a vacation to Bermuda, leaving you with a dictionary-sized void.

So, picture this: I'm sitting across from my best friend, who's got this look of sympathy plastered on her beautiful face, and she starts with the classic, "I'm so sorry for your loss." And there I am, trying not to chuckle, thinking, "Loss? This ain't a lost sock, it's a lost universe!" Now, back to the heart-to-heart. We've all been there, right? Staring at someone we care about, and the words are playing hide-and-seek like expert-level ninjas. It's like they're in the Witness Protection Program, and you're left there fumbling over your words and suddenly have developed a speech impediment. Or maybe it's that audacious request you're about to make. You know, the one that could change your life forever. But the fear of that dreaded 'no' has your stomach doing gymnastics.

Your vocal cords have suddenly turned into spaghetti noodles, and you're more linguini than conversationalist.

And then there's grief. Oh, grief. It's like an emotional hurricane, and you're just trying to string together a coherent sentence in the midst of it. It's like trying to teach a cat to sing opera. Not impossible, but highly unlikely.

But here's the deal: it's okay to feel lost in those moments. In vulnerability, we find our humanity. It's like the universe's way of saying, "Hey, remember, you're human, and it's okay not to have it all figured out."

So, here are some strategies to help you when words are playing hard to get:

1. Let Silence Do the Talking:

Think of it as a game of emotional charades. Sometimes, silence speaks louder than words. Just hold their hand or share a quiet moment.

 2. Write It Out:

Grab a pen and let your inner Shakespeare loose on paper. You don't have to share it, but it's like a therapy session for your soul.

 3. Put Yourself in Their Shoes:

Empathy is your secret weapon. Step into their world, see things from their perspective, and the right words might just stroll in.

4. Metaphors and Analogies:

When words fail, use metaphors or analogies. It's like turning your feelings into a Picasso painting.

 5. Let Your Body Talk:

Your body is a chatterbox. Use gestures, expressions, and body language to convey what's in your heart.

6. Lean on a Friend:

Friends are like emotional backup generators. Talk it through with someone you trust; they might just hand you the words you're missing.

So, let's embrace those moments of vulnerability. Life's most profound connections often happen when words take a coffee break.

And remember, bold conversations and audacious asks can be life's greatest plot twists. Let's create a world where authenticity and vulnerability are the stars of the show.

Where silence is the standing ovation, and our connections are a masterpiece painted with courage. Thanks for sharing this moment with me. May you find the strength to have those heart-to-heart conversations that can change your life and the lives of those you cherish. And if words fail you, just remember, laughter is the universal language, even in the face of life's cruelest punchlines.

🌱Don’t give up on the dreams & goals & gifts planted in you!

They weren’t given to you for you.

They are for this world.

And playing small is burying or hiding them.

Justin Prince dives deeper in his book “Be the One” 

If you’re like me and want to hear his style before you buy the book here is a fantastic podcast episode that will fill your cup:

/podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tiffany-peterson-podcast/id1481132972?i=1000629189476

Hello avoidance, my old friend, you’ve come to talk to me again. You and I have gotten pretty close lately, haven’t we?

The mountains of responsibilities, passions, and necessary “agendas” are there, but I’d rather graciously dismiss them and completely disregard their importance, valid or not.

We all find ourselves here; it can be because we have too much shit on our plates, or because we’re in a mental funk, or it can simply be that we’re under-stimulated.  

Some of our jobs don’t allow us to completely ignore reality because deadlines exist, we don’t get paid if we don’t meet them, but let’s be real if those deadlines and duties didn’t exist, would our drive alone get things done?

I decided to dive deeper into the psychology behind avoidance last week when I found myself nestled up in a cozy corner of Starbucks, wondering why I was avoiding important things. In this edition of Unraveled, we share perspectives in hopes that you can pinpoint the type of avoidance you cling to most, differentiate between temporary distractions and avoidance, and arm you with what a professional therapist suggests overcoming it.

 5 Types of Avoidance

1. Protective Avoidance: This type involves actions aimed at protecting oneself from certain emotions or experiences. It can manifest as rituals, cleaning routines, or even obsessive-compulsive behaviors. The goal is to create a sense of safety within your inner world.

2. Cognitive Avoidance: Cognitive avoidance is the effort to hide, distract, or ignore worrisome thoughts or emotions. It may involve distracting oneself, daydreaming, or focusing only on the positive aspects of a situation.

3. Somatic Avoidance: Somatic avoidance refers to steering clear of situations that trigger physical responses similar to anxiety or stress. People may avoid situations that cause their bodies to react in ways that make them uncomfortable.

4. Situational Avoidance: This form of avoidance involves staying away from people, places, or activities that remind an individual of a traumatic event or cause significant distress.

5. Substitution Avoidance: This is like playing emotional musical chairs. You swap one emotion for another, like trading in sadness for an angry outburst. It’s like an emotional trade-up program, but not so helpful.

 What is the difference between temporary distraction and avoidance?

Distraction is “temporary” avoidance. It is a useful tool when our emotions or distress are so high, and we feel too dysregulated at the moment, to be able to confront the cause. In these moments, we might feel flooded and unable to respond in an effective way. In these situations, we need some time or distance to self-soothe and regulate our emotions. It is not problematic as a “sometimes” coping skill, but if we always rely on distraction and never return to confront the difficult emotions, then we never achieve resolution.

If the purpose of your act or behavior is to avoid feeling an emotion that might be painful or difficult to feel, then the behavior is likely avoidance. 

 How to Overcome Avoidance:

Recognize Your Stress Response Patterns

Begin by noticing how you react to stressful situations. Pay attention to your immediate actions when faced with stressors. Do you find yourself reaching for a glass of wine after a tough day at work or scrolling through social media to zone out?

 Identify Avoidance Habits

Ask yourself if these actions are a way to avoid or escape discomfort. Consider if you're using these habits to distract yourself temporarily or if they're helping you avoid facing underlying issues.

 Boost Your Motivation for Change

Understand how your current behaviors might be hindering your progress. Assess if they're getting in the way of your long-term goals or affecting your relationships. Consider the pros and cons of these habits—do they offer a brief relief but ultimately make the problem worse?

 Recognize Your Emotional Responses

Take note of the thoughts and feelings that arise when you resort to these habits. Be specific about the discomfort you experience. Name the emotions and acknowledge their existence.

 Connect with Your Physical Sensations

Shift your attention from thoughts to physical sensations. Feel where these emotions manifest in your body and describe those feelings. Is it a heavy, overwhelming sensation, or a sharp, pinpointed one? Acknowledge the physicality of your emotional experience.

 Confront the Urge to Avoid

Remind yourself that these emotions will pass, and you are safe. Picture emotions like ocean waves—they rise and fall, but eventually, they recede. Don't succumb to the urge to escape or avoid them.

 Explore Value-Driven Actions

When the emotional intensity starts to lessen, engage in activities that align with your values or promote self-care. This could be exercising, journaling, or confiding in a supportive friend or family member.

 Reach Out for Professional Support

Consider seeking guidance from a licensed therapist. Cognitive processing therapy is a proven method to navigate and overcome trauma-related thoughts, offering lasting benefits for dealing with PTSD.

I know this one was heavy, my friends, but my hope and prayer is that IF you find yourself if any of these patterns, you can look in the mirror and tell yourself, “Hey, you don’t suck & you’re a total badass,” and that you can look to one of the 8 suggestions above to start to dig your way out again. As one of my favorite personal development gurus, Brenden Burchard says:

“Avoidance is the best short-term strategy to escape conflict, and the best long-term strategy to ensure suffering.”

Let's get real with ourselves as we continue to unravel together.  Are we avidly avoiding things that could improve our lives and the lives of others? If so, let’s get to the root of it and come out stronger or get the professional help we need.

Resources:

1. https://psychcentral.com/health/types-of-avoidance-behavior#when-to-seek-help

2. https://thepsychologygroup.com/how-to-avoid-avoidance/

3. https://thepsychologygroup.com/avoidance/

Let’s not glorifying the busy.

🛑 Stop. Pause. Reflect.

If you’re missing precious moments with those you love because your brain is too preoccupied, you’re too distracted, or work is winning in the fight for attention it’s time for a new perspective.

You work hard so you can love big.

❤️Becca

You’ve come a long ways my friend…

So don’t you dare underestimate how far you’ve come and just how much your experiences have the capacity to serve others.

Have you ever felt slightly crazy and like you have a screw loose? Your ideas run rampant, come into your brain, and leave just as fast.  If you're the kind of thinker who drops audacious ideas like breadcrumbs, you're familiar with the raised eyebrows and puzzled glances. Remember, Uber and Airbnb didn't start as mainstream darlings either – look where they stand today.

If you feel like you're missing a screw, it's okay, and in this newsletter, we're here to explore some high-level ideas to help you embrace the discomfort of your unconventional ideas and validate them!

We'll also introduce you to a few broad concepts that will help you find your footing in the realm of discomfort and innovation. Prepare to challenge the status quo because...

Sanity and brilliance often share the same space in a world that's shaped by those who aren't afraid to break the mold.

Let's dive in and uncover the brilliance within the chaos

 1. The "Am I Crazy?" Moment

Raise your hand if you've ever had an idea that sounded super awesome in your head but got you wondering if you're secretly the captain of the wacky ship. We've all been there. You're not crazy; you're creative! The world thrives on fresh perspectives, and often, those who dare to think differently are the ones who bring about incredible change.

2. The Idea Spotlight

You know that idea light bulb that flickers on when you're in the shower or taking a walk? Well, let's shine a spotlight on it. Take that seemingly bizarre idea and give it your full attention. Jot it down, sketch it out, or record a voice memo—whatever helps you capture its essence.

Sometimes, simply acknowledging an idea makes it feel more real and worthy of exploration.

3. Embrace the Quirk

Guess what? Unconventional ideas are often the most exciting ones! They have a certain quirkiness that sets them apart. Instead of taming your idea to fit norms, embrace its uniqueness. Remember, many game-changing inventions were once considered downright crazy (hello, flying machines and smartphones).

4. The Validation Game

Ready to play the validation game? Share your idea with a close friend or a trusted confidant. And here's the trick: don't just expect applause. Welcome questions, concerns, and even skepticism. Why? Because this helps you see your idea from different angles, and also prepares you for potential challenges down the road. Plus, you'll realize that discussing your idea doesn't make you seem less intelligent—it's a sign of strength and openness.

For a more pinpointed approach to validating an idea (business or personal), it is a more scientific four-step approach. You define your goals, develop a hypothesis (remember the good old high school definition of this an assumption, an idea that is proposed for the sake of argument so that it can be tested to see if it might be true), experiment, and validate. A great deeper dive can be found here Idea Validation: Steps and Tools for Testing Your Idea (viima.com)

Guess what? You're not the only one who's had that genius idea. Someone, somewhere, has probably explored a similar concept. So there is no need to reinvent any wheels here, but what is important is that you add your unique experiences and insights into whatever you do create. Dive into research, read up on related topics, and see what others have done.

This isn't about copying; it's about understanding the landscape and finding your unique twist.

6. Small Steps, Big Wins

Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither are ideas. Break down your grand idea into smaller, manageable steps. This not only makes it less overwhelming but also lets you celebrate the wins along the way. Even baby steps count!

7. The "Aha!" Moment

Validation isn't just about getting a pat on the back from others. It's about the "aha!" moment you have when you genuinely believe in your idea.

It's about recognizing its potential, even if it seems unconventional. Trust that gut feeling—it's often your best compass.

So, my friends the next time you think your idea is crazy, think again. Embrace your unique ideas, validate them through discussion and research, and let your creativity shine. Remember, it's the wild ideas that change the world, and if they feel crazy stick with them while you navigate the waters.

Have you ever met someone, and when they opened their mouth, their voice sounded nothing like you would have imagined? Or made a preconceived notion based on appearance, job title, or any other factors and been absolutely blown away by that person's capabilities? 

I imagine movies where the mastermind behind a heist is deaf, or the kick-ass ninja with Bruce Lee precision is a twelve-year-old girl. And when the hero is revealed or wins, we immediately want to scream, “hell yes, I knew they could do it.” And somehow, by the end of the movie, you have a newfound appreciation for the hero and their unique attributes; you cheer on their wins and actually come to admire how despite their “shortcomings,” they KILLED IT! 

We can see rare potential in others if we are open to extending the dialogue or giving people chances where based on their current skillsets seems like a longshot. I encourage this in your organizations, and we touched on trusting employees and how people may surprise you in the workplace in a previous newsletter https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/bear-hug-surprises-rebecca-kinney.

However, in this edition, we want to speak to how the “unlikely suspect” might just be YOU, and maybe you’re hiding behind experience, job title, or past successes to define who you are now versus leaning into and expressing your awesomeness.

Unlikely Capabilities

You likely don’t tap into all of your badassery daily (I know I don’t). You maybe get to dip your toe into the water while daydreaming about what it would be like to do what you “really love.” I can safely say that most of us operate in our zone of excellence versus our zone of genius (ZOG). The zone of excellence=things you are extremely skilled at but may not necessarily love doing. The zone of genius=things you are naturally good at and love doing—where you find your 'flow.

In your ZOG it’s a perfect collision of purpose meets action. It’s a tough space to discover and stay in. In a Forbes article by Brenna Wiest (source below), she states, “ The important thing to recognize is that your zone of genius is not just what you're "passionate" about. It's not just what you like the idea of. In fact, it can often be something you may not love a whole lot initially, but it's something you recognize you are naturally gifted at. When you can identify those skills or interests, you can capitalize on them by working on them consistently. The combination is what will help you strike gold.” I highly recommend you download The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks to truly start tapping into your ZOG.

You have so much untapped potential that is a true gift this world needs more of. It’s time to start unlocking it.

Unlikely Opportunities

Being open to the idea of new or different can be downright scary. I’ll be the first to admit. If my routine is interrupted- I suck. If my day doesn’t go according to plan-I flounder. If I challenge my norms-I freeze. These are all completely natural feelings. However, what is more important is that you remain open to the idea of new & you stay curious as you navigate into areas of your life.

Our careers will change, and our dreams will shift, but will we create the room to walk into uncharted territories? It starts with you exploring and identifying what brings you alive and then seeking out opportunities to get better at spending more and more time in that zone.

 Unlikely Odds

Then comes the real kicker. Do you have faith in yourself that you can overcome the discomfort of entering new waters? This doesn’t mean you have to leave your current position. Maybe you LOVE what you do. But I am confident that there are areas, even in your current role, where you have untapped potential. Areas where if you tapped into the genius sides of your brain you could amplify what it is you do and have an even larger impact.

Tapping into bigger and great potential starts with you learning more about those deeper passions, learning how to take action, and then learning to express yourself as you navigate the potential.

Do yourself a favor and download the Audible version of the Big Leap here:

The Big Leap

Check out this great listen on Audible.com. Most of us believe that we will finally feel satisfied and content with our lives when we get the good news we have been waiting for, find a healthy relationship, or achieve one of our personal goals. However, this rarely happens. Good fortune is often f..…

Audible.comGay Hendricks

In listening, you can work on some exercises that help you identify your genius zone. It has been one of the best gifts I’ve ever given myself. Listen during your commute, on your walks, or whenever you have a few extra minutes.

Remember the unlikely suspects we talked about in the intro that we valiantly want to cheerlead on? That could be you- the next unlikely mastermind ready to blow us all away. It’s time to tap into that genius and start expressing yourself.

I’ll leave you with this:

Resources:

1. https://www.forbes.com/sites/briannawiest/2018/09/26/how-to-get-into-the-zone-of-genius-and-unlock-your-highest-potential
2. https://www.audible.com/pd/The-Big-Leap-Audiobook/B002V8KU3G

“But this is what I’ve learned the hard way: what people think about you means nothing in comparison to what you believe about yourself.”

-Shauna Niequist, Present Over Perfect

I highly recommend listening to her book if you are anything like me and tend to struggle to stay present. It's spiritual but don't let that deter you, it could be the exhale you need.

💖 Remember, not everyone will understand your journey, and that's perfectly okay.
Focus on your goals and surround yourself with those who lift you higher. They're the ones that truly matter!

Have you ever gotten stuck in a scrolling trance?

Time slips away- minutes, even hours, go by, and you’re left feeling slightly numb. We justify the scroll addiction by saying we are “networking” or even disguising it as work. When in all reality, we need to snap back to NOW. The need for tech has never been more real. But how much damage are we doing to our real-life relationships by losing ourselves in this abyss?

We continually compare ourselves to people’s virtual reality and lose our grasp on the present time.  Often, we’re left feeling "less than" and our online consumption and screen time leave us exhausted rather than enlightened.

 I think many of us agree it’s gotten a bit out of hand. Deep down, we crave simplicity again, but that feels almost impossible because how success in our businesses looks today is a game of being seen and heard. That requires us to leverage socials, AI, and so many moving parts. It’s simply the nature of the beast.

But what works doesn’t always feel great dies it? And this begs the bigger question of finding the balance. It used to be work-life balance, and now it’s reality versus media balance.

Scary Numbers

Let me blow your mind with some alarming stats that aren’t all that shocking when I think about how many times, I pick up my phone or tune into Netflix to unwind at the end of the day and automatically start the next episode without even realizing it. Welcome to binge Grand Central Station!

The average person spends 6 hours and 58 minutes daily on screens connected to the internet. And check their phone 96 times daily or once every ten to 12 minutes. Though, we actually touch our phones up to 2,617 times per day and unlock our phones 150 times on average.

Time Wasted

Our time spent glancing at our phones adds up to monumental levels. As busy professionals, we justify the use and simultaneously complain that we don’t have enough time off or can’t seem to break free for moments of exhale.

Let’s break down some numbers. If the average person spends upwards of 7 hours a day online, let’s be gracious and say 3-4 of those are meaningful pursuits to grow your network, work, or interact. We are left with upwards of 3 hours daily we spend scrolling socials or watching Netflix. That is 84 hours a month or 1,008 hours annually spent looking at our devices aimlessly. Equating to just over a month total out of each year.

The Joneses

Keeping up with online demands and balancing our lives is brutal. But here are some key questions to ask yourself:

1. Do you feel the need to be everywhere at once? Yes, being on LinkedIn, Tik Tok, Twitter, Facebook, & Instagram simultaneously will boost numbers, but is it feasible?

2. Have you set limits to your consumption?

3.  Are you being intentional? Who do you follow, how do you interact, and what do you allow in?

4. Has clickbait stolen your mind and time?

5.  Are your online actions purposeful or simply scrolling as a mental getaway?

6.  Do you feel compelled to keep up because it’s necessary or because you can’t help but feel good from the dopamine boost?

7. Are you unconsciously gravitating to your device in every empty moment?

8. Are you missing moments with those you love in exchange for feedback from virtual strangers?

How can you make a change?

It’s time we raise our level of awareness when it comes to the tiny computers in our hands. That we remember, the highest-paid engineers in the world are intentionally crafting media to keep us online. And most importantly, remember that we have real lives and families sitting right in front of us that deserve our undivided attention.

As you look to remain relevant, keep in mind it’s the people and relationships that really matter, and go back to rooting yourself in the reason you went down your given career path, to begin with.

It’s not about whether or not you’re as good as a competitor, if your metrics are high, or how many followers you have.

It’s about remaining healthy and happy and stepping away from the things that don’t serve us and into those that serve others.

Together let’s continue to unravel and open up to new ideas and levels of awareness.

Your courageous steps might just be giving someone else the unspoken courage to step into themselves a bit more.